Happy New Year!
I wasn’t planning to send out Writing Hacks this week, but I wanted to share a quick update about the CDC press release from last week’s newsletter.
This morning I saw a post in a local Facebook group that had a link to the CDC isolation guidelines. When I clicked through to see if they had added any additional guidance, I discovered that the press release I edited for last week’s “Editing Lesson” has been updated. I was surprised (but also delighted) to see that the CDC edits look a lot like my edits. I wanted to share their new version with you so that you can see what they changed.
For context, here’s the original version of the first paragraph that I shared last week:
My edit focused on cutting multiple clauses in the first sentence and eliminating repetition between the first and last sentences. I also moved information from the last sentence to the second sentence so that all the “what” information would come before the “why” information, and I cut some unnecessary words.
As I said in my “Editing Lesson,” this certainly isn’t the only possible edit to this paragraph. I also noted in that post that some of my cuts might go too far.
Here’s the CDC updated version:
I was very interested to see that the CDC’s new version pretty closely mirrors my suggestions. They cut the multiple clauses in the first sentence, moved all the “what” information to before the “why” information, and eliminated some of the repetition. They kept “to minimize the risk of infecting people they encounter,” which I had cut. I think that was a good call. In matters of public health, it makes sense to err on the side of providing more information about how the guidelines can protect us.
By now you might have the same question I have: Did someone at the CDC see my original tweet or the “Editing Lesson” post? I don’t know! I know that a few readers tagged them on Twitter, but I imagine they are drowning in mentions these days. Perhaps they just came to similar conclusions. Either way, I think this is a win for clear writing!
I’d love to hear what you think of the CDC version. Would you change anything about it?
Please share Writing Hacks! The feedback I’ve received from the CDC editing lesson has made me optimistic about how many people care about clear writing. I’d love to reach more of those people, and I’d really appreciate it if you would share Writing Hacks with anyone you know who might be interested.
That is very cool Jane!! Thanks for speaking up. I have no doubt that they saw your tweet and found the hack and took the great advice.